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Destroyer of Nations

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stuck in monochrome [Feb. 25th, 2011|09:13 pm]
Destroyer of Nations
I finished notes about 8 PM tonight. It's been a monster of a week. Up until this week, I'd been done with all my work by 6 PM. Dunno what happened. Maybe I'm working harder. Maybe I'm working dumber. Maybe I'm putting more umph into my work.

I didn't go work out. I haven't worked out for almost a week. I'll be a week tomorrow. Ugh. Instead of working out, I sat down and painting. It's one of those lovely pictures of a lovely friend. I've been sitting on these pictures for somewhere close to 3 years now. And then a couple days ago I was struck by the inspiration, and I put down the outline. And tonight, I started to paint.

I haven't painted in months. It's been a long goddamn time since I've painted anything meaningful. Maybe years. I did those lovely ladies I gave to Steve, that was sort of meaningful. But not like this.

I always indulge in the illusion that things are somehow different now.

Things are not really different.

It's a battle between habit and being present in the moment. I was present at first. And then I willfully embraced habit, and things got shitty really quick.