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Destroyer of Nations

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more work and workout [Feb. 26th, 2012|01:44 pm]
Destroyer of Nations
Worked out for 40 minutes today. Should have done an hour, but that cold is still bugging me, and I didn't want to make it worse. I already took 2 consecutive days off, couldn't risk taking a 3rd.

So I've got 6 days in my workout. Days 1 and 2 are heavy, so basically like 6 different types of lift, and for each one I do 3 sets, and each set is between 2 and 8 reps. Fewer reps is better, because it means I'm pushing myself. If I can do 3 sets of 8, then I need to up the weight. Days 4 and 5 are the same.

Days 3 and 6 are endurance days. I was doing 4 different types of lifts, with 10 sets of 10 reps. It got pretty brutal near the end, after about set 5 or so I started to feel it. Today I switched it over to 5 sets of 15 reps. It's way harder. Like a million times harder. Maybe part of that is because I have a cold right now, but the second set of 15 is a struggle. Hell, the first set is a struggle. My muscles just aren't used to that kind of endurance. That's a good thing. It should suck. If it's easy, I'm probably not getting much out of the workout.

I just wanted to talk about that, because I like it.

Work. I have a couple thoughts about work. Yeah, I bitch about it, because it does suck sometimes. The work itself isn't challenging to me, it's fascinating though, and I love it. What's difficult is the workload, the paucity of days off, the long hours. That fucking sucks sometimes, as I've bitched about before.

But there are a couple ways to look at it that are hard to accept. First, people let us into their lives. They tell us their secrets, they tell us things that bring them joy and shame. They tell us if they are afraid or angry. And they are desperate for relief, and they have come to us to seek the advice or the chemical that might help them be happier. That's beautiful. We should be honored to be in that position. Even the alcoholic who comes in every month when he runs out of money and can't afford more alcohol and knows that if he just says that he's suicidal and has had a seizure before we'll admit him and keep him warm and safe and well-fed. It should even be an honor to help that guy, because while his actions are ostensibly volitional, he's still consistently making terrible life decisions, revealing some sort of pathology (whether or not we have the tools to manage that underlying pathology is a different story...).

The other hard perspective to accept is that we're trainees. There are people experienced in this field who are allowing us to work with them. They are our teachers. They are using their time and energy to train us in this field, to make us proficient. And it is their demand that we do this work. They are allowing us to care for their patients. The only recognition we really deserve is that we've suffered and consistently survived years of tests and assignments. We've gone through those small fires to prove our worth, but we haven't yet arrived. We've got more work to do. So we interview their patients, explore their histories, formulate plans, and then discuss our ideas with the experts who have taken us as students. We are not their peers, we are not equals.

There are a couple other sides to this, but I've run out of steam to write at any length. There is a lot to learn to gain proficiency, so it seems more efficient to cram all that training into 4 years of insanity rather than 8 years of soft ease. The other idea is that the challenge sort of breaks your mind. It breaks those unseen and unspoken limitations you hold about yourself.

That's all for now.