||[Oct. 13th, 2010|10:38 pm]
Destroyer of Nations
I have 15 days of actual work until the end of this rotation. This includes 2 nights of call.|
I nearly wrote "I have 15 motherfucking days..." and then I nearly wrote "I have 15 fucking days..." and then I wrote what I did because I thought that it sounded too forced to say fuck.
I hate to sound recursive (like a psychiatrist talking about a patient), but I am beginning to feel dysphoric. Last month was brutal. This month has been brutal up until today. Today was the first bright day of the rotation, and there are some reasons for it.
Paul's laziness rivals my own. He will gladly take a new patient, so I don't mean that he'll dump work on me. But I think we both operate at the same pace, so it's really nice to work with him. We both sort of silently groan at how busy this rotation is, and then bitch about it in secret code. I'm not making this up.
What I'm about to write, I told to some of my classmates, and one of them in particular is a workaholic and rolled her eyes at me. I have 7 patients now. Three of them were there when I started this rotation. None of them will leave this week. These patients are all rocks to varying degrees. There's a good chance I'll still have most of these patients in 15 days. That's kind of my goal anyway. I think I might call it rock surfing.
Of course, what I want has nothing to do with what will actually happen. Because whether they stay or go has nothing to do with me, and has everything to do with their response to treatment. So in truth, my hope to still have the same rock garden at the end of the month is nothing more than superstition.
I am exceedingly superstitious these days.
I have one particular patient who is brilliant. I am speaking of this patient's intellect. This patient (to mask the gender, of course) is incredibly smart and knows how to work the system. I want to speak more clearly about this, but I can't right now. I'll talk about something else.
I have major qualms about keeping people on a locked psychiatric unit. Yes yes, danger to self and others, right, that's the reasoning we use to do what we do. But to what degree do we carry that argument? I have to go to bed. I'll write about this later.